Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
