he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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