Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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