I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
