And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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