It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
