Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
