Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
