This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
