Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
