Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you never un-have a 4some
My bed smells like the plague
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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