I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
