thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
