You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
