Your face is a jimmy john
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
