Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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