So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
