I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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