Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
