I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
