Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize