First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
