Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
