we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
