So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
