I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
