I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
