I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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