His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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