someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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