We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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