if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
