Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
