Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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