Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
