Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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