we're chasing vodka with high fives
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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