She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
