Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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