Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize