with your own penis?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
