she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
