After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
