if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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