I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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