So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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