god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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