He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
