So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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