I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
