do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
