What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
