I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
