Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just pynch a tree in the face
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
