I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
