i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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