Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
