so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
