Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it because I queefed?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
