Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize