my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
