@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
